Memories Are Glass
by epicninja42
Summary: They were such good friends, even though Feliciano was a pain in the neck. But now this disease is slowly killing his memories, making him forget everything... and all this heartbroken man can do is watch. GerxIta, AU
1. Prologue

Feliciano floated in the darkness. The pain was still there, but there was nothing to relinquish that pain. "There's nobody to save me..." he mumbled, but he couldn't even hear his own words.

As his memories vanished, he only knew one thing for sure; somehow, he loved that blonde-headed man.

Love.

Love.

Love.

And those feelings would never be fulfilled. He would have laughed, but now he couldn't. There was nothing he could do but cry. Nothing to do but cry... and move on...

He grinned, and a light appeared in the distance as his smile filled the dark space. There was no disappearing into black ink, no cheerful funeral. Just life.

But this was the best life... he wouldn't have had it any other way.


	2. Gelato 1: A Deal is Made

_(AN: HUMAN NAMES ARE BEING USED FROM HERE ON OUT. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

That day, Ludwig and Feliciano went out for ice cream. Gelato, to be exact. It was a favorite of the cheerful Italian boy's; since the day was a little more than stressful, his German friend figured they should be treated. From the doctor's office, they walked to Angeliano's, a tingling little bell ringing behind them as the door slammed shut. The moustached man behind the counter (most likely the owner) greeted them with a huge smile. Feliciano replied with one just as bright.

"Small _pesca_, please! Ludwig, what would you like?"

"Umm...medium _bacio. _How much will that be?" For once, he tried to act cheerful as he ordered.

"That'll be $12.99! Would you like a receipt?"

"Yes, please." They paid for the treat and headed to a window seat in the now empty store. It was 8:30, and the graceful orange sun was painting a picture on the great blue canvas called the sky. It would soon be nighttime, and Ludwig would soon have to return from his emergency visit to Italy. In silence, Feliciano scooped at the chilled milk and cream, taking large bites at a time. Ludwig no longer had an appetite.

There was a question he needed to ask.

"Feliciano..."

"Hm?" When the young man looked up from his food, there was a sticky mess all over his face. What astonished Ludwig the most was that he was smiling - no, radiating happiness.

"Do you feel okay?"

"I feel great! How about you?"

"Yeah... fine. Do you want my ice cream?"

"Silly Ludwig, it's gelato!" Nevertheless, the smiling man welcomed the uneaten treat into his arms like a winning poker player. In a few minutes' time, every last drop was gone.

"Let me wipe your face for you." Usually, the stricter counterpart of the relationship would yell at Feliciano for being messy, but he couldn't stomach it. Somehow, he would never forgive himself, and he knew it. "You know what this means, right? You have to be even more careful. Don't be lazy, and never forget what you need to do. Okay?"

"Yes, sir!" sounded a little more like "Yeshimir!", but it didn't matter. For Lovino, for his parents... for Ludwig, he would try his hardest. Even if it meant bad things for him in the future, it was the least he could do. After everything they had done...

"Let's go." They both nodded, throwing the bowls in the trash and heading out the door. Now the sun had almost disappeared, leaving the canvas an empty black. Walking down the sidewalks of Naples, the two friends held hands as they went home to rest. And for some reason, Feliciano could still hear the words, _Never forget what you need to do..._


	3. The Diagnosis

_(AN: EXCUSE ME FOR NOT KNOWING MUCH ABOUT MEDICINE. IF THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO FIX, PLEASE PM ME. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Ludwig couldn't be late, especially if he was going to keep this a secret from Feliciano. If he was going to honest, he was lying to his friend and going back to the doctor. The doctor refused to say anything to Feliciano that day until everything was ready, and now it is. Of course, these were things the man didn't want to hear, but none of his friend's family wanted anything to do with any of this. It was sad, if you asked him.

He had on a nice new set of nice clothes; he smoothed them out as he speed-walked down the street. He desperately tried to get his unruly hair to stay up. Why did it have to be today of all days! Why did he have to - right. He needed to be strong. If Feliciano promised, then he would promise. The best thing he could do was set a good example.

It was a warm summer morning, and if there was any grass around, then fresh dew would be on it. Ludwig checked his watch - 6:30 AM. Right on time. He took a deep breath and stepped through the chipped green door of where he had promised to meet the doctor; at a hospital, instead of a regular clinic. He sat down in an uncomfortable plastic chair and waited to be called.

"Umm... acquaintance of Feliciano Vargas? It's now your turn." The shy counter lady smiled as he got up and left, sweat dripping down his neck. It couldn't be serious, right? Of course not! Ludwig could almost laugh. Even though he knew there was a chance, and a rather large one at that, he could just ignore it and it would go away. For once, the man had reduced his logic to a child's.

When he came out of his dark hole of thought, he found himself in front of a door marked 'Dr. Mazzarisi'. Even though Feliciano had no sense of judgement, Ludwig found the doctor to be a respectable and rather wealthy man from Sicily, who quickly rose from middle class to upper class with his vast knowledge of medicine. The worried man felt like his friend was safe with this person's help - a foolish thing for him to think. Nevertheless, he turned the doorknob and entered the room. Dr. Mazzarisi, whom he had met the day before, spun around his chair in a form of greeting. "Please, sit down," He motioned to the chair beside him before turning back to his papers.

"Oh... right. So, how did everything come out?" He adjusted himself, trying to get comfortable in yet another uncomfortable plastic chair.

"About that. Do you want to know everything?"

"Yes. I'm sure."

"Listen close, because I'm only going to say this once. Feliciano Vargas has cancer of meninges. Fortunately, he currently has it nowhere else. Unfortunately, he has Neoplastic Meningitis and it is possible that he will get brain cancer in the near future. We currently cannot calculate how long your friend is going to live, so I reccomend you stay with him if nobody else is going to."

"W...wh...what? Are you sure, doctor?"

"I am completely sure. In fact, I have an idea of what symptoms you need to look out for and what medicine you need to give him. He'll start with headaches, fevers, a stiff neck, and gait abnormalities."

"...?"

"He'll start losing his balance when he walks. Then, he'll be vomiting, eating food will start to get harder for him, he won't want to be awake as often, and he might start being a little confused. We'll know when the end of his life is when he has trouble walking, he cringes from light and loud noises, and he's forgotten a great deal of his memory.

"This is a medical emergency, and in the near future he'll have to be hospitalized. You'll need to get him to start taking statin drugs. Do you understand?"

"N...no...you're lying to me. It's not true. Not to Feliciano... why can't it be me?" Ludwig hung his head in his hands, mortified. Tears welled up in his eyes for the first time. That's when, like a twig, the man snapped.

He burst into sobs, unsure of what to do.

"Please leave. I have clients and things to do. Give him one a day, and I'll tell you when to do other things. Do not take action on your own." He handed the mourning man a bottle of pills and motioned him to the door.

"Oh..." he coughed, "right. I apologize for the inconvenience." Once again, he smoothed his nice new clothes. The door opened, but he wasn't sure how. He couldn't really see what was in front of him, as if there was a film over his eyes. Sound of everyday life no longer reached his ears. All he could hear was the doctor talking. Saying the same words, over and over again.

He remembered just last night, going to get gelato with Feliciano. What would happen to those happy times? When he could be the selfish man that could lightly take his friend for granted, and there would be no consequences because his friend would always be there for him... those days would be gone. That was the ultimate fate. That was HIS ultimate fate.

On his way out, Ludwig didn't even notice his left hand crushing a glass flower vase.


	4. They Weren't Alone, But They Were Lonely

_(AN: EXCUSE ME FOR NOT KNOWING MUCH ABOUT MEDICINE. IF THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO FIX, PLEASE PM ME. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

"Mmm, pasta! This is delicious!" Once again, Feliciano's speech was muffled by his full mouth.

"Yes... eat all the pasta you want, Feliciano." They were at the boy's tiny house in Naples, and after informing Feliciano that he was going to stay here for a while, they sat down to the Italian man's favorite food. Capellini with alfredo sauce and green peppers... again, the German man wasn't hungry. He was at least a little content in watching his friend smile and laugh as usual. He was pondering whether or not to tell him now. _No, I shouldn't tell him while he's eating pasta. It just wouldn't work._

In the end, lunch was finished and he hadn't said a word. Feliciano, on the other hand, chatted away about how happy he was to stay with Ludwig for a while. His friend wasn't happy about it at all, but only because of the reason. "Hey... Feliciano? Can I tell you something?"

"Sure! Let's go to the couch, okay? I've been a little run-down today." Ludwig had to hold in a gasp. They sat on the fluffy chairs perched around a brick fireplace. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Well... I went to the doctor this morning."

"Ooh, really? What did he say?" Instead of distressed, the boy was intrigued.

"..."

"Are you alright? You've just been sitting there!" 

"He... said... there's something wrong with your head, Feliciano. And it's something you - no, we all - need to take seriously."

"Well that sounds easy! What do I need to do?"

"I have pills for you to take - "

"Awww, darn it! Those are hard to swallow!" He giggled, his face reddening a little.

"FELICIANO!"

Pure silence filled the room.

"This is life or death, okay! Believe it or not, I care about you! I don't want you to die! So can we sit up like big kids and discuss what's really going on, please!"

"...

"Ludwig...

"Yes, let's. I'm sorry. I need to be..." gulp, "serious. Let's talk like..." gulp, "adults."

"Th-that's not what I meant! More than anything, I'm sorry! I really want you to be cheerful Feliciano, so don't try to be mature now!" 

"...okay." That smile that Ludwig loved so much had finally returned.

"These are statin drugs. Most importantly, get out often and do simple tasks to stay healthy. I'll help,too." He thought this would be an appropriate time to smile as well, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Yes, sir!" He saluted, shoving his left hand against his cheek.

"You salute with your right hand..." This time, he cracked a smile.

"Okay, do you mind if I go take care of a few things? If you're staying here then I need to be ready."

"That's alright with me. Is there anything I can do?"

"Not at the moment. Maybe... grocery shopping?"

"Will do. I'll be off then." Feliciano didn't turn; he could hear the door slam shut with Ludwig's usual strength. Now that his friend was gone, he headed to his mostly empty room. Since he was born, he didn't have many belongings, since Lovino was always their favorite child. All the little boy of the family could do was watch them be happy, wondering what it was like if he could be his big brother for a day...

Anyways, he moved from Venice to Naples soon after his early graduation from high school, and now he's 18. He met Ludwig in a college entrance exam facility, and since then they became very close. For some reason, Ludwig seemed to be taking this hard. He remembered everything that happened yesterday...

_He tapped his pen aggressively against the desk. "So what exactly happened, from the beginning, Mr., umm - "_

_"Ludwig," he interrupted. "I had come to visit Feliciano because he complained of not feeling well, even though I was doing work in my homeland of Germany. He seemed a little forgetful, and I knew something was wrong when he asked what I was talking about when... when I said, 'Let's go to your favorite restaurant'."_

_"That does sound a little risky..." Their conversation was cut off by a noon bell bounding loudly throughout the city. When it stopped, he continued, "I want to run some tests on the patient. Mr. Vargas, would you mind coming with me?"_

_"Not at all." He smiled, but was being cautious. Ludwig waited in the doctor's office while they left for a darker room._

_"I'm going to run some scans. Just relax and take deep breaths, alright?"_

_"Okay." After getting fitted into some headgear, he attempted to relax while bright lights shook his mind, making him dizzy. After a few minutes that seemed to last for hours, he was released from the tortuous prison of metal equipment and allowed back into the room with Ludwig._

_"I'm going to examine this information, I'll alert you when things are in order. For now, just relax. Enjoy things while you still have them." He winked, but he didn't smile. It was blank, emotionless._

Feliciano realized he had spaced out and stacked boxes from all around his room into a miniature Leaning Tower of Pisa. He laughed and continued cleaning, wanting to make a good impression on his friend. Of course, he didn't want to be a cheerful Italian man waiting for the moment when he wouldn't be alone. That time had already came and gone with him.


	5. Bad Dreams Left Him Alone Again

_(AN: KEEP IN MIND THE AUTHOR IS ACTUALLY A CHRISTIAN. HATE COMMENTS WILL BE REPORTED TO THE CYBER POLICE! lol... I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Feliciano was lying in bed, thinking. Not just about what was happening, statin drugs, problems with his head... he was thinking about his family. He had been so caught up in Ludwig and making new friends in Naples that he had forgotten. He laughed a little, "But I can't concern myself with silly things! I have people to lean on. Maybe someday he'll lean on me..." The boy turned off his lamp with a soft _click _and wrapped himself like a mummy in his blanket, Ludwig's snoring from the other room slowly putting him to sleep.

...

_Feliciano sat up in the pew like a good boy. It was Mass today, and Lovino was going to play the organ once again. At this small Catholic church that his father preached at, everyone loved to hear his older brother play. He was happy if his brother was happy._

_With the immaculate waving of his hand, the tiny boy began the opening chords for "Come, Thou Almighty King". At the preacher's start, everyone stood with a hymn book and began singing:_

_"Come, Thou almighty King,_

_Help us Thy Name to sing, help us to praise!_

_Father all glorious, o'er all victorious,_

_Come and reign over us, Ancient of Days!"_

_After the song was over, untouchable silence filled the congregation. Lovino joined the rest of the family in their usual reserved seat near the organ. Father was still grey and beyond usual emotions as he shouted words neither of the young boys could understand at the large group of people. Mother stared with stoic eyes at what was in front of her; she couldn't hear or see what was going on, just look. That's how it seemed to him. Even Lovino was wearing an air similar to that of their parents'. For many years now, Feliciano felt it was a crime to be happy. He wasn't sure what to do._

_...and would there ever be a person that would accept who he really was?_

_In another universe, a place outside of the church where he felt the most safe in his young life, blood spilled out of his hands, mixing with the tears as his eyes got blurry to the point where he couldn't see anymore -_

...

"HELP ME!" he screamed into the night. His vision was a little blurry, and sweat soaked his body. The warm blood of his awakened self started to make it sticky.

"Feliciano, are you okay!" A pajama-clad Ludwig burst through the door.

"Oh... yeah. Just a bad dream, I apologize for waking you up." The young man smiled again, although he felt like it was just a tiny bit forced.

"Alright then. How about we go into the kitchen and have some hot chocolate?"

"Yay!" This smile wasn't forced at all; back to normal.

In the kitchen, the usually dull light made the sleepy men squint until they couldn't see what was in front of them. "You can sit down, I'll make it." Ludwig assured his friend with a strong sense of worry in his voice. The Italian man took a seat at the dining table while the uneducated German attempted to make one of his friends' favorite treats.

"So, Ludwig. Can I ask you something?" He twisted his unruly hair as he tried to fill the awkward silence.

"Ask away," You didn't have to listen closely to hear the _bot, bot, bot, bot _of the powder being forced out of its container.

"What exactly is going on? I mean, I know it's midnight and all, but even though I'm a little stupid, I want to know what that doctor said."

"Well..." There was a very long pause.

"Did you want to hide it from me?" The agression in the boy's voice startled both of them. But the most astonishing part was... what he said was true.

"Yes. I did. I couldn't handle not seeing you happy ever again. It's still too much for me to even think about."

"I understand. But, please..."

"Alright. Just don't bring it up very often after this, please?"

"I promise~"

"Have you ever heard of... meningitis?"

"I haven't! Is it good or bad?"

Ludwig wasn't sure what to say.

"Bad... very bad. If you think what's going to happen very soon is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, be aware that it's only the beginning of everything about to tear you down from here on out."

"..."

"...Feliciano?" He turned away from the boiling water to see his friend smiling a little TOO cheerfully. Something was wrong. "Feliciano. Man up. I haven't even started explaining anything."

"What, Ludwig? I'm fine! I just remembered something." Things were a little bit more normal, but not very much so.

"Alright then. Let's continue. Your head and neck going to hurt very badly, and I'm going to have to help you walk. That's what I meant when I referred to the beginning, what's happening very soon. Do you understand?" He began mixing powder and water, the _bot bot bot _getting louder and louder. Feliciano nodded and did nothing else.

"Then it's vomiting, sleepiness, confusion, and... there will be some things you won't be able to eat."

"What about pasta?"

The next thing Ludwig said broke two hearts at once.

"...no pasta.

"Anyhow, at that point you'll be in the hospital. That means, whatever food you're served, that's what you eat. There's no arguing with that, and no getting upset, either. After that is when the walking stops, you won't be able to handle light and loud noises, and you'll have forgotten almost everything."

"...

"What's after that?"

"Nothing. That's the end." Ludwig had to cough a few times to keep from getting tears in his eyes.

"But... what about you? Will I forget you?"

"Yes. Isn't that ob -"

...!

When he opened his eyes, Feliciano was wrapped around him in the tightest hug he had ever endured. The area around his chest became soaked with tears as he sobbed through his shirt. The shorter boy coughed through his crying, "I don't want to forget you, Ludwig! I don't ever want to forget you!"

When they were through, Feliciano's head was wet with tears as well, and both faces were red as they both went to their rooms, leaving the freshly made hot chocolate untouched.


	6. The Beginning is Really Here

_(AN: WE'RE BACK TO REGULAR SPACING. ALSO, THE PROLOGUE AND EARLIER CHAPTER ARE BEING REDONE. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

That Tuesday had came and gone, and it was Friday. Feliciano was alright with his statin drugs, even though he didn't like them very much. Ludwig watched him profusely, only leaving his side to run errands. When those hour-long sessions he came and went from were going on, he was forced to stay at home alone. Of course, he still had to be active and go on runs, and he was warned to be careful - even though this had just started, he was very confused. All of these restrictions were weighing against him like a growing amount of books were being stacked on his head.

It was Friday, and Ludwig was busy. Feliciano was left at home all day. He had chores to do: _"Take your statin drugs, go for a jog, and eat three meals a day. Rest a lot!" _He didn't want to do them. He found himself bored.

Since the weather was very hot as usual, Feliciano decided he might as well take a walk and get it over with. In a t-shirt and jeans as usual, he picked up his pace down the sidewalk from a walk to a run. Things were going normally for the first time in a little while. He even found himself waving at his neighbors as he ran by, just like old times. His bright and youthful smile seemed to gleam off the sun again. He picked up his speed, faster and faster and -

"Are you alright? Um, sir?"

As his eyes slowly opened, words started to make sense. "Uhhh... my head hurts."

After a few minutes, he got up to see that whoever had spoken to him had left. He had fallen, even though the sidewalk was normal -

_"I'm going to have to help you walk."_

When he realized that what had happened at that very second was the beginning of something terrifying and miserable, he couldn't help but get a little emotional.

That's when he realized once again that he was in the middle of the sidewalk.

...

"Thank you very much for the help."

"Anytime! I like to make sure my costumers are healthy and taken care of." Another cheerful Italian man that Ludwig didn't understand blurred through his life as he left the grocery store.

He checked his watch; 6:00. Feliciano was probably worried! He started picking up his pace as he hurried down the now familiar roads of Naples. Every time he went to get something important, he felt his wallet get thinner and thinner. Now, it was almost empty.

Just as he had been told to, he slipped off his shoes at the door and shouted, "I'm home!" There was no reply. "...Feliciano? Are you alright?" Extremely worried, he dropped the bag of groceries and dashed into the living room to see Feliciano passed out on the couch. "Feliciano! Answer me when I'm talking to you!" he snapped like an angry mother.

"Oh... hi, Ludwig. Sorry, I wasn't feeling good at all today." The boy gripped his head in pain as he sat up on the couch. "I have a bad headache, and I fell down while I was walking for no reason! It hurt..."

Ludwig could only stand there. This was the true beginning. He was terrified.

"Ludwig? Don't worry, I'm fine! Do you want to have dinner?"

"Oh! Um... right. Sorry." Side by side, the two of them made dinner together. Once again, more pasta. It was one of the cheapest things to make, and luckily it was also a favorite of both of them. When it was done cooking, they sat down at the table and began eating. Ludwig decided to bring i up now. "Feliciano? There's something else we need to discuss."

"Alright! What is it?"

"Well... where is our income going to come from? For the hospital, and everyday living? Do you have a job?"

"Oh, that! Well, I've been looking for a job ever since I failed all of my entrance exams, but from what I had before I moved out, I've been doing well. Of course, I still need to find something to do so I'm not useless - "

"Don't say that. If anything, I'll be the one getting a job."

"But Ludwig..."

"No buts!"

"You know, I can't be just a whiny kid that's going to die soon! I need to be useful if this is going to work! Please, let me get a job! I promise I'll work hard!"

"Well... alright. But I need to approve it! Got it?"

"Yes sir!" he saluted with his left hand.

"You salute with your right hand," he laughed a little harder than the first time as he helped his friend adjust it. It was decided; tomorrow they would both be hunting for a job across town.


	7. Gelato 2: Where I Want to Be

(AN: I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)

Feliciano had finally found a job, but Ludwig wasn't so lucky. Since he had to explain his medical background when he applied, there were plenty of temporary stand-in places that needed someone in a position like his. With that, he happily took 2 jobs and kept the accepted applications of two. Those two he left agreed to let his friend have the job if enough time passed without him finding one. But Ludwig didn't give up on succeeding that easily.

It was once again Monday, just a week after his check-up. He had made a little money, and at this rate it was going to be stacking up fast. Ludwig was still searching, so he told Feliciano to go and treat himself; he left him again. $1 gelato at Angeliano's sounded nice, so he took his time going there from his job at an auto parts store. Instead of running or even walking on the sidewalk, he prepared for the worst and held onto the rails or walls around him. If there was nothing, he just went really slowly with his arms out at this side.

He finally made it to Angeliano's after 15 minutes. The quiet little bell made its usual _cling _sound that Feliciano loved, and the door slowly slammed shut behind him. As he made his way towards the register, he said, "Fior di latte, please!" The same cheerful man scooped it up, and he took the same seat as the one he shared with Ludwig. He felt himself falling into a pattern.

In the distance, chattering tourists and loud locals with booming laughs were hurrying to catch a glimpse of the sunset on the nearby ocean. He had never been down there, but it was a favorite with most people that visited - from what he'd heard. He enjoyed seeing the smiling children run to get to a shuttle and the worn old smiles that the guitar players on the sidewalks wore, filling the sweet summer air with their fresh new tune. He hoped to be surrounded by people like this for the rest of his life.

He scooped a spoonful of the sweet vanilla cream into his mouth as he gazed out the window, enjoying the beautiful sights and smells of Italy. He never wanted to leave his precious home country...

_"AND IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE YOU EVER HAVE TO!"_

As soon as Feliciano heard the mocking voices of his inner brain, he froze. A tiny bit of sweat passed down his cheek. Was this what his life was reduced to? Sitting, eating gelato in Italy, being happy? Never getting to see the ocean or meet Ludwig's family... or even get to see his own? He whispered to himself, "There's so many things I want to do, but time is running out. What do I do?"

_"Feliciano, wait!"_

_"Another voice?"_

_"I'm your better half, the part you should listen to. Right now, you're working hard to make Ludwig happy. That's what you should do. Nothing else."_

Feliciano was shocked... until he realized he was setting up a puppet show in his head. He laughed hysterically, beating on the table until his face and hands turned red. This was who he really wanted to be - that happy Italian, one that would always be happy no matter when the beginning or end was.


	8. He Didn't Want to Hold Him Back

_(AN: A POLL IS UP ON MY PROFILE, PLEASE VOTE IN IT. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

"A cashier at an auto parts store and a regular worker at a pet shop... I'm not sure about this, Feliciano. It still doesn't seem like a good idea." Ludwig was reviewing all of the papers, still jobless.

"Come on, Ludwig! All I want to do is help! Please...?" He pulled out the puppy dog eyes.

THOSE puppy dog eyes.

"No! No! Stop it! Fine! Whatever you want!" The two of them were in an elevator in a more modern building near the ocean, with a very tall skyscraper-like structure. At the top was Ludwig's next destination - a place recommended by his favorite teacher back in Evangelisches Krankenhaus Dusseldorf - a job application that would pay enough to keep them living finely for the rest of his stay in Naples.

"This elevator sure is tall!" He looked down, only to gag and have to stand up. "I-I feel dizzy... maybe I'll just stand here..."

"Feliciano! Be more careful!" He sounded nagging, but underneath the coat was pure horror of worry.

"Oh, right. I'm going to try harder from now on!" With this, the elevator shook up and down and raggedly landed at the top floor, the doors smoothly opening with a loud _ding_. They entered the hallway and speed-walked down to get to the meeting room, the two men holding hands so Feliciano wouldn't fall over. They let go abruptly in front of the door, and their heavy weight made it nearly impossible to not get into the eerily quiet room without making an incredibly loud noise. As he pushed to get it open, Feliciano looked over his friend. He was wearing a nice suit that Feliciano had bought for him as a way of saying "thank you" and thick glasses that helped him read fine print. His hair was slicked back with more care than usual, and he could catch a faint smell of German cologne. This wasn't the Ludwig he knew - this was Ludwig, German son of business. When he looked down at himself, he saw a white t-shirt, jeans, and slippers to help him walk. Not very classy.

But, for some reason, Ludwig had asked Feliciano to come with him for his job interview. He didn't get it - what use would he be of? He was afraid he would just get in the way. The doors opened after a few seconds of pushing, and the two boys entered together, holding hands again.

It was an extraordinarily beautiful place - no artificial light, but a glass wall looking out on the beach below. There were black couches, potted plants, and coffee machines everywhere, and even the desk looked like it was extremely expensive. While Ludwig stepped forward to greet the man, Feliciano was afraid to take a step; he might break something! Would that make his friend lose his job?

"Oh, it's very nice that you could make it after all," a man sitting at the back desk shook Ludwig's hand. -The notion seemed cheerful; and unlike Dr. Mazzarisi's, it WAS cheerful. Feliciano was no longer afraid to take a seat as he found the man's nature, and both of them relaxed on a huge fluffy couch frontly facing the desk. "I'm Baldovino DeFiore, and I'm also the manager of this floor of our business. You did do your research, correct?"

"Yes. As you probably know, I'm Ludwig Keufer. I'm a 3rd year at Evangelisches Krankenhaus Dusseldorf. This is my friend, Feliciano Vargas. I've come from Germany to take care of him."

"It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Keufer. Now, you're here to discuss a job opportunity?"

"Yes I am, sir."

"That's very good. I've examined your school records - " he stops to retrieve them from a stack of papers and then continues, " - and they're all exemplary. Tell me, what are you majoring in and why?" Feliciano wanted to hear, because Ludwig hadn't told him anything yet.

"Health Science. I've always had a great interest in it."

"That's very good, it is a great thing to get into. Now, if I needed you to make copies of a paper and organize them, would you be able to do it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Please stop calling me sir. Please, just call me Baldovino."

"Umm... Mr. DeFiore?"

"It'll work."

"Anyways, I can do that."

"Very well, then." He picked up his phone, dialed a number, and jumped on the receiving end's back as soon as they picked up. "RUFINO! WE HAVE A NEW HELPER! GIVE HIM GOOD MONEY!" His Italian was slow and screamy to this "Rufino" person, and when he slammed down the phone, he looked a littl/e *embarassed. "Alright, you can leave. Your job starts tomorrow!" The two of them abruptly left the room, and eventually were back on the tall elevator again.

"Umm... Ludwig?"

"Yes, Feliciano?"

"I was wondering... if I was diagnosed with Meningitis on Tuesday, June 25th, and today is Wednesday, July 10th... how much of a trouble am I to your education? And... how much trouble am I going to be in the future? I mean, if you love Health Science so much..." he paused to stare out the window, "maybe you should go back and do that." The silence filled the room and made it even more empty than it had been without anyone in it.

"Do you want to know what I really want?" His voice was stern, stoic, and agressive. Something Feliciano was scared of.

"...w-what?"

"I want you to stay with me forever, and be a happy, healthy person. But I can't have that. So for now..." _ding, _the doors opened, and they began to walk about; Ludwig set his hands on Feliciano's shoulders. "I'll have to settle with keeping you safe. That's more important to me than Health Science. I promise."

Even though he had his answer, Feliciano was less than satisfied.


	9. The End Became Yet Another Start

_(AN: THE POLL HAS BEEN UPDATED, IT SHOULD BE VISIBLE ON MY PROFILE. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

The sun was going down, and once again Ludwig and Feliciano were sitting at home. It was a quiet, peaceful time, the two of them gripping eachother's hands on the couch. Ludwig felt like time was speeding up, and the time when Feliciano would leave his side was fast approaching.

"...Feliciano?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember when we got gelato on the day of your check-up?" He wanted to ask something of him again from that day, he figured it would be quick and easy and -

"No. Are you sure that happened?"

"...what about today? When we went to the job interview, do you remember his name?"

"He didn't say it, did he?"

"...

"What about my name?"

"Ludwig Keufer, right?" He was intrigued, but still cheerful.

"Oh, thank goodness!" he gripped his friend in a tight hug, tears coming out of his eyes. Feliciano was more than confused - why was he so upset all of a sudden? Those were obvious questions, right?

Wrong.

...

"And that's why I'm going to have to resign. I really apologize, since I just started out and all."

"It's alright! It was only temporary, and both of us knew that from the start!" The manager of the pet store that Feliciano once worked at was finalizing his unemployment from the business. He had just went to the auto parts store and they had been less than happy about it, but this cheerful person put his heart to ease. With a warm smile, she said things were over and that he could leave. With one last handshake, he left the pet store for what was probably the last time.

As he took his time more than usual down the sidewalk, he assessed his current situation. He no longer had a job, and in a few days he would have to say goodbye to his house, the house he wished he could have lived in forever. Ludwig would stay there until his... death. And then he would finish college and probably forget that he even existed; but not before he forgot his friend's existence first.

Things weren't looking up, but he tried his hardest to smile. It was the least he could do.

Walking was very hard, and instead of holding onto things he now leaned on them. The headaches didn't stop, and if you felt his head it would always be burning. The doctor... whatever his name was, he said it was time.

Time and memories... forgetting and losing... he now truly felt the weight of it all on his shoulders.

...

Ludwig couldn't see. And no, he wasn't blind.

He recalled when he went to the hospital, how he couldn't see anything. Like a film was covering his eyes. That's what was happening then as well. Everything was blocked in as if the information in his body had overflowed. And still, he could hear the unfathomable cheerfulness in his voice, "...Ludwig? What do you want to do today?"

He couldn't stand it anymore.

How could this man - no, this thing - that he loved so much be so cheerful? Was it humanly possible? Could he even see the pain he was going through! He struck the couch, impatient. "I'm so selfish... so stupid..." He was lucky. How could he not see that! How could he not see the pain his friend was going through as well!

Time and memories... forgetting and losing... he was slowly seeing his best friend disappear.

"Ludwig! I'm home!" he could hear his friend shuffling off his slippers and clasping his hands on the walls to get into the living room. "What's wrong?" he sat down on the couch next to his friend, worried at what could have gone wrong.

"Feliciano... I'm this close to losing you. But I'm not ready... I never will be ready..." tears made their way out of the palms of his hands and onto the carpet. What was the use of talking to Feliciano? He wasn't -

"Ludwig.

"I'm not ready. But we need to move forward. Because... only a fool would dote on something they couldn't change." When Ludwig looked up, all he could see was a bright smile accompanied by a dying man.

"...okay. Let's get through this together." They pinky swore, not wanting to let go in fear. Three days, and they would be two normal, happy people together until all traces of a normal life were gone.


	10. There Was a Sense of Freedom

_(AN: I APOLOGIZE IF THIS SEEMS RUSHED, THINGS WILL GO SLOWER AS MORE STORY PROGRESSES IN THE HOSPITAL. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

He observed the room. Even though he was leaving, there were no boxes. Nothing for him to take.

July 21st. That's what the calendar said. Slowly but surely, he was starting to forget how a calendar worked. How long was he going to live? How long was he going to live wishing he was dead?

"Ludwig," he whispered under his breath. Turning on his heel, he realized that friend - no, that omen - was gone. He had begged to get off of work, but nothing prevailed... Feliciano was alone today, and even the usually warm and welcoming Naples streets that he had come to love had turned on him. Not only was he alone, lonely, scared, and dying, he felt no longer welcomed. Exiled.

Of course, this only made him smile even wider.

If there was no hope left, why not make hope? If nobody truly loved him anymore, why not make love? And if he was no longer welcome, why not welcome others? As if he was an ancient man filled with proverb, he leaned on the kitchen table. That's when he got an idea.

He croaked, "I'm going to make some pasta," And with a few laughs and tears, Chicken Ditalini was on the table. "Let's eat!" He took a huge bite of it, the food getting harder and harder to swallow. "I'm so silly," he giggled, and he began laughing hysterically. Louder and louder, and he felt hot tears roll down his burning cheeks. The laughter soon turned into sobs.

There was something left. He was soon going to find what that was.

"I'm a naive man," That same old grin from ear to ear, he never got tired of it.

...

As soon as Ludwig bolted through the door, the two were wrapped in a tight hug. Not bothering to take his shoes off as he followed his friend into the kitchen, he inquired, "How was your day?"

"It was..." he paused to find a word, "great! It's nice being able to enjoy myself at home. How was yours?"

"It didn't go so well. We've nearly missed your check-in time, and now we really need to hurry!"

...that's when he realized what he said.

"FELICIANO! WE REALLY NEED TO HURRY!"

"Oi! Oi! I've got it, I've got it!" he hurriedly scampered around to find his shoes, not bothering that he was in his pajamas, and he dashed to the door - only to fall flat on his face.

"SCREW THIS! WE HAVE NO TIME!" With one swift movement, Feliciano was on Ludwig's back, and they were on a breezy piggy-back ride through town. Feliciano stuck his arms off of his friend's shoulders, joyful tears flapping away like little birds in the running wind.

"Look! I'm flying!" he shouted, soon noticing everything had turned to slow-motion. This was the last moment... this was the end... an end soon leading to a new beginning.

...

They were holding hands at the front desk, and the same girl from before greeted them. "Hello, how may I help you?"

"Feliciano Vargas is checking in. Where do we need to go?"

There was a pause as she checked some papers. "Oh, I'll call Dr. Mazzarisi and ask, since he's in charge of that patient. For now, you can go sit over there." They both took seats right next to eachother, linking pinkies in between the chairs. Ludwig stared coldly towards the wall while Feliciano turned to look out the window, trying to catch a last glimpse of the outside world.

"Hey... Feliciano?"

"Ng?"

"If you don't want me to stay at your house, I won't."

He turned around to answer. "It's fine, you might as well make yourself comfortable. Naples is a beautiful place - "

"I'm not here to go sight-seeing. I'm here to take care of you." It was cold again, almost freezing everything around them - at least in Feliciano's mind. He couldn't help but giggle at the thought. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, I thought about something. Anyways, about your expenses; all of my life savings I have left are under the couch. Feel free to use them."

"Feliciano Vargas, your room is ready." The crackly intercom went off even though they were close to the front desk; the shy girl they conversed with earlier led them towards the elevator and then explained, "Push the button for the 5th floor, when you get to the desk there tell them you're the Vargas party. They'll lead you to your room and take care of everything else." With a head bow, she left them there. They hurried into the next available elevator; Ludwig pushed the button and instructed Feliciano to keep hold of the rail.

"This is nostalgic... you know, getting on an elevator again." Feliciano managed a smile, but it was weak and room-temperature compared to his usual warm self.

"I guess it is."

Not another word was spoken until they reached the next floor, holding hands into the main lobby. At the front desk, Ludwig murmured, "Feliciano vargas. Can you lead us to his room?"

An even more cheerful woman exclaimed, "Sure!" They hurried down the hall, Feliciano nearly unable to keep up with the woman's brisk walking. At the end of a dark hallway, she unlocked a door and shoved the key in her pocket. "This is a Catholic hospital, and this is a room we modified a little to make it more comfortable for him. Don't turn the lights on and don't take action unless directed to by a nurse. From now on his pills will be given to him by a nurse. Got it?" Trying to act cocky but failing, she put her hand on her hip.

"We understand. Feliciano, let's go." They were left alone at the end of the hall. They went into the room, Feliciano being ordered by his friend to lay down.

"Feliciano..."

"What is it?"

"What's my last name?"

"Umm... Kifi, right?"

Unable to stand being in this horrible place, he ran out as fast as he could, not caring what he ran into. He couldn't stand there and watch his best friend die... was this best friend something more?

Even though it was newly replaced, another vase was broken.


	11. Gelato 3: Lovino

_(AN: I'M TRYING TO DECIDE ON A THEME SONG FOR THIS STORY. PLEASE PM ME OR I AM GOING TO CHOOSE UNINSTALL. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

There was a story, an old one of Italian folklore.

It told of Dauntless Little John, a fearless young boy that traveled the world. Feliciano had read this story many times, and he always ended it with, "Why did he agree to go into the dark palace when he had been told nobody had ever come out alive? Why didn't he find another place to stay?" It seemed foolish to him.

He laid in bed reading this story when he recalled his friend Ludwig; he hadn't come to visit for many days. Where was he? Was he alright? Had he left? Maybe he -

"FELICIANO!" He turned towards the door slowly in order to not strain his neck even more; it was... who was it?

Confused, he asked, "Can I help you, sir?" 

"Feli! It's me, Lovino! I know it's been a while, but jeez! Is your head thicker than the treat I brought?"

"...

"Lovino! It's good to see you after all these years! How is everyone in... well... wherever it was?"

"We're fine," his older brother sat down on the unoccupied part of the bed. "I bolted from our parents' house as soon as they said I needed to play organ full time. Like, get up almost every day at 4:00? No way!

"More importantly, how are you? I rushed down as soon as I heard what happened!" he felt something sticky on his hands, then he realized that the gelato in his hands was melting! "Oh crap, quick, eat this stuff before it melts all over me!" Feliciano laughed, remembering how silly his brother has always been. He cheerfully accepted it, taking small bites because big bites hurt way too much now.

As soon as he finished, he began talking, "I've been doing alright. I'm in Phase 2 now, so it's getting harder for me to eat, especially with swallowing and throwing up afterwards."

"Oh crap, am I gonna get kicked out for giving you food!"

"No, I'm sure it's alright."

"So... have you been alone all this time?" 

"Of course not! My German friend Ludwig has been with me all of this time!"

"Well that's a relief! Say, do you think I could hang around here too?"

"If that's alright with Ludwig, I think he said something about staying where I live."

At that very second, that same friend walked through the door with a present in his hands, which he obviously had to get wrapped for him at the department. From that second on, Lovino held nothing but disgust.

"Lovino, this is Ludwig! Ludwig, this is my older brother! Say hi, Lovino!"

There was a pause, and then words came out of his mouth as if he didn't want to waste a breath on this garbage.

"Suck my balls, potato eater!"

"LOVINO! THAT'S RUDE!" he whined, pulling his brother into one of the softest hugs of mankind, what with the fresh sheets and Feliciano's hospital gown.

"LET GO OF ME, YOU WEIRDO!"

"I'll never understand Catholics..."


	12. Some Past is Revealed to a Weary Man

_(AN: I'M CURRENTLY WORKING ON AN OST PLAYLIST WITH THE THEME SONG IN IT. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS, PM ME OR PUT A REVIEW. HERE'S A LINK TO IT: __.com/view_play_list?p=06B73EBEA0D5F7D5__ I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

"He's been calling for a Ludwig all night... is that you?" The counter lady led him down to Feliciano's room. The various calendars decorating the white walls proclaimed today July 25th, and he had finally gotten out of Lovino's hair to come visit.

"Yes, that's me," he smiled warmly for the first time in a while. For the first time, he looked forward to being in a hospital.

As soon as he opened the door into the light-deprived room, Feliciano's face lit up. How lonely was he now? "Hey! It's nice to see you, Ludlow!" 

"...Ludlow?"

"That's your name, right?" He was so naive; he no longer realized what was happening. "Silly Ludwig... oops, I messed up, didn't I? I haven't been feeling very good lately. Maybe we should go to the doctor?"

"I am Ludwig," he tried his hardest to keep smiling as he rubbed Feliciano's head, "and we're in a hospital. It's going to be okay."

"That's good! And Lovino's alright, too?"

"He's doing well. I actually wanted to talk to you today." 

"Alright, let's talk, then!" It was that same ear to ear grin... welcome back.

"I was wondering... how have you been feeling lately?"

"I've been feeling fine. Although, there's no more pasta for me because it hurts too much to eat. I sleep too much, I wish somebody would let me outside."

"Would you like to go somewhere with me, Feliciano?" Tears welled up a little in his eyes.

"That sounds like fun! Where would we go?"

"This is Naples. Where do you want to go?"

"Hmm... how about... the park!"

"I'm going to ask," he quietly left in order to not disturb his ears and came back after 5 minutes. "They finally agreed... are you ready to go, Feliciano?"

"Sure! How is the weather today?" With plenty of help, he began slipping into some comfortable shoes.

"It's nice, actually." Feliciano took Ludwig's hand and leaned up against his body as they made their way out of the hospital. After a long 20 minutes, they found themselves out in the fresh summer air.

"Ooh, that reminds me. I've always wanted to go to the ocean!"

"Would you like to go there?"

"Yeah! Let's go!" They made their way in that direction as if they were two awkward people in a wheelbarrow race. They found themselves in front of the ocean... seagulls flew above their heads heading for the neverending stretch of sea, tiny little pink crabs dug their homes in the warm baked sand, and docks seemed to clear a path for beautiful blue water to be accessed. "Ludwig... can I swim?" 

What he really needed to say was "no", but he couldn't find the heart.

"Only if you're careful. But this is the last activity you're ever going to do of this sort, got it?"

"Yes sir!" He saluted with his left hand once again.

"You salute with your right hand..." he forced himself to laugh as he adjusted the boy's right arm to salute and made the other one drop; it was hard to move the muscles without him forcing a whimper of pain. With that, Feliciano dropped into the warmth of the sand, tussling a little bit with it as if it were trapping him.

"Wow..." he laid there in the heat, staring at the sky. "I wish I could spend my life at the beach. Don't you?"

"Yeah..." Feliciano struggled up and took his time down to the neverending ocean. He started laughing, giggling almost, then turned around to face his friend.

"I forgot to ask you; how are my parents doing?"

"..."

To impatient to wait for a reply, the boy hurried into the ocean, then plopped down and started splashing around the water. He played and played for hours, never getting bored. At sunset, the two of them sat on the shore, admiring the view. For a few minutes, everything disappeared and they found themselves all alone, in a different plane of existence. But they weren't alone... they had eachother.

"Alright," Ludwig wheezed from sitting down for so long, "we better go back. Did you have fun?"

"I had lots of fun! Ludwig, do you want to do this again sometime?"

He decided he wouldn't reply and would only help Feliciano get back to the hospital; he didn't want to make promises he couldn't fulfill. At the hospital room he still resented, Feliciano tried waving but seemed too exhausted to muster it. He managed a warm grin as he softly closed the door and left.

...

"Lovino..." it was Ludwig's job to make dinner, so Ludwig decided to fill the silence.

"What now?" As usual, he was annoyed.

"Feliciano asked about your parents. How are they?"

"What do I care? All they gave my little brother were disapproving looks and bloody fists."

"Lovino. Answer me."

"Fine... they're alright, as far as I know. But still, Feli didn't have a bright relationship with them."

He scooped the fish onto plates. "What exactly happened?" 

"Since I was older, they had always put a lot of stock in my abilities. It was obvious I was going to do something for the church, and I learned organ pretty quickly. I guess you could say I was alright by the time little brother came along. It seemed they didn't really want him, maybe because he loved painting, something they couldn't get money from in the church... but, I was kind of the honor child and he wasn't. That's all there is to it, okay?"

Ludwig wasn't satisfied. He had to know more. "Please, tell me what they did to Feliciano." He set the finished food on the table and gave him intense stares for the time he refused to talk.

"Fine, fine, you idiot! _Che palle... _he was always a kid with a lot of bruises. Fists were involved. It was mild, and at least he got fed. I... don't want to say anymore."

"I understand." Ludwig didn't want to hear anymore.


	13. Frozen Minds, Overheated Bodies

_(AN: IF YOU WANT ME TO REMOVE THE EXTRA CHARACTERS, I GLADLY WILL. EXCEPT THEY MAY COME IN HANDY LATER... I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

"DARN IT!" Ludwig threw another punch at the wall.

And another.

And another.

His best friend... he used to look forward to new letters every day. But he's losing that friend, and that same cheerful person... his own...

Another punch.

"WHY!" Tears that had reached his eyelids so many times finally made their escape, flowing down to the floor with the blood pouring from his fists like rain. Everything that was holding him together... was falling apart...

And why was he so happy! How could he stand it! That... IDIOT! Did he realize what was going on around him! But why was that idiocy the same thing he looked forward to... ! 

Another punch.

...

Feliciano hadn't had a visitor in a few days, and a new caretaker had come as eating got harder for him to do alone. She introduced herself with a curtsy as Elizaveta, and they often chatted while she did important things for him. Today, she looked a little distressed.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Well... I've had a crush on the hospice entertainer for some time now." she had already told him this many times, but he always forgot. "After I finally got the courage to introduce myself this morning, he said he didn't like Hungarian women!" 

"Oh..." he paused to blush a little from his fever, "well that's not very nice! Wait... how about we go see him?" His already deep red face lit up even more from the idea.

Elizaveta sighed, "Feliciano... I don't know if that would work."

"I guess you can't say it won't work until you try, right?"

She gave in.

"Fine... but Roderich Edelstein is no normal hospital entertainer." As she took his temperature, she leaned in to softly whisper in his ear, "He plays the piano like a professional, and I hear he grew up in a rich house in Austria! And he's also the young master type, with maids to give him whatever he wanted anytime!"

"Wait."

"...what is it?"

"Do you really like him, or do you like his rumors?"

"...

"It's okay. You need to rest." Without listening to a protest, she left the room.

"Elivazeta... no, Ejiganeta... wait... her name has to be Elizabeth!" He fought a little with himself over the matter, forgetting his second-long lapse of worry.

...

"Elizaveta Hedervary. 22 years old. Nurse and caretaker at this very hospital. Origin: Hungarian." The mysterious young master didn't look up from his sheet music as he uttered these ominous words.

"You're correct..." In her usual naive ways, she looked out the window in order to relieve her boredom.

"Popcorn brain,"

"What?"

"Nothing. Anyhow, what exactly do you want from me?"

"I don't really want anything." She smiled, taking a seat in the vacant rest room. "I just enjoy your company."

"Alright, then..." he stopped to straighten up his sheets, "just don't annoy me." He began playing a soft, melancholy tune. It had a rather sweet side, and Elizaveta greatly enjoyed listening. The usually emotionless young man became a smiling young boy, blinded by the world around him when music began flowing from his fingertips. When he stopped playing, reality reached his head and everything went back to normal.

"Roderich..."

Shocked, he gasped a little, staring into her eyes. "How do you know my name?"

A small giggle escaped from her mouth. "Rumors. But with that behind us, would you like to go on a date?"

He gave in, not wanting to be annoyed by her anymore. "Fine." She clapped in excitement, and started rambling on about so and so that Friday.

Happy with the outcome, a warmer smile than usual showed brightly on Feliciano's face; he had seen everything from the door.

...

"He did it! He said yes!" She grinned from ear to ear, obviously proud of herself. It had been a day since July 30, the day she confessed, and the month was closing with a rainy day.

A little weaker than usual today, Feliciano managed a smile. "It's nice to know that Elizabeth and Robert got together after all. Where are you going to go?"

"Hmm... I hadn't gotten that far. How about gelato?"

"That sounds like a great idea!" When he laughed, he started coughing in a serious manner.

"You wait here, I'll get something to help with that coughing." She was in a cheerful mood, more than usual. She quickly grabbed the medicine in his favorite flavor, peach, and then hurried back. When she came back, though, she blankly dropped the cup onto the floor and could do nothing but stare as it spilled all over the floor.

He was gone.


	14. No

_(AN: PLEASE PICK A YIRUMA SONG AND LISTEN TO IT WHILE YOU READ. I'M GOING TO WARN YOU: THIS CHAPTER IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART OR CRYBABIES. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

The rain was much worse than ever the forecasters on television had expected; lightning went off more than once in a minute, thunder boomed straight from the coast, and the ice disguised as harmless raindrops beat down on the shoulders of everyone brave enough to stay inside. The beach was no longer what stereotypes would make you think of when you thought the word "beach"; this was a hole of mud, a useless little tourist trap for people obsessed with Hawaiian shirts and large balls of twine. Even the locals would turn a blind eye on their usually beautiful town on a rainy day such as this one.

Feliciano had never thought much about rain or weather in general. When he needed to go somewhere, he needed to go somewhere; the weather wasn't going to keep him cooped up at home. Today he woke up and realized that he needed to be somewhere... and that's just what he did.

Feliciano realized the full streets he was used to were now empty. No more tomato stands, no more photo booths, no more people in sweaty costumes holding obnoxious signs hoping to get a quick buck, no more laughing children, no more guitar players, no more sweet air... everything he came to love was shattered on a rainy day like glass.

No... his memories. They were like glass. And they had shattered.

But at that moment he didn't realize that; he needed to get to Ludwig, and fast. He had nearly forgotten where his house was, and he blinked ferociously to see through the water drops soaking his eyelashes and attempt to go in the right direction. After 10 minutes of blind searching, he reached out. There had to be something, anything, he could rest on. Maybe he shouldn't have left where he was...

But where was he? And why was he there? Most importantly... where was Ludwig, and why wasn't he there? He laughed a little, realizing how close those sentences were to eachother. At last, he found himself heavily breathing, leaning over a silver mailbox. His head acted as an umbrella so he could stare down at the sidewalk, watch the beautiful tears of the sky fall into sidewalk cracks. These sidewalks...

He remembered learning how to walk as a child. First he crawled, then walked, then jogged, then ran. Now he's gone from running to jogging to walking to... crawling. He had been reduced to a baby once again. The baby he always knew he was.

He could hear echoing voices in the distance, voices he could barely make out. "Fe...fe...felic...felici..."

"Heh heh, Feliciano? That sounds like someone's name. Ooh, that's my name. Maybe they're calling to me?" he whispered to himself, not wanting anything to get any more louder than it was already. He began to believe his ears would burst as he clapped his hands over his ears and tried focusing on the blooming lavenders in a little patch around the silver mailbox.

"FELICIANO!" He heard a cry, muffled by the rain drops and blinded by the grey clouds. He could no longer see... things began to go black...

"FELICIANO!" Why was he even living? What was the point? If he was only going to impose on the people he cared about...

"FELICIANO!" Maybe he should just die...

"FELICIANO!" Maybe he should just die...

"FELICIANO!"

"Maybe I should just die."

His words were abrupt, sharp, and not attached to anything strung out. But shortly after the words were said, he wished he hadn't said them. Not because he didn't believe they were the truth, but he didn't want to beleive they were the truth. Not ever again. He was truly disappointed in himself when tears reached the flaps of his eyes and overflowed.

"I heard him... I swear I did, Mother. I swear." He could hear a familiar voice in the distance, the person crying for the man named Feliciano, the person crying for him. "It has to be... if it ends here, where am I going to go?" A few tears were shed as he repeated. "Where am I going to go?"

"Ludwig!" he tried shouting, but his voice slipped out from under him and he croaked.

"Feliciano?"

"Ludwig!" He let go of the silver mailbox and leaned out in front of him.

"Feliciano!" A murky figure started to appear before him.

"Ludwig!" He reached forward even more, hoping the same could be said for the other person.

Finally, they reached eachother. Finally, they could rest in eachother's arms. Finally, they had eachother. Finally, they could rest.

"Ludwig..." he had to stop and catch his breath in between his words, "I'm... sorry... that... I... did... this... to... you... all..." he began coughing madly, not being able to handle the cold for much longer in his hospital gown.

"Feliciano... I don't want to be mad at you, but I am." He took the heavy coat that protected him off of his own body and wrapped it around his friend's, then his scarf, his boots, and his hat. "How could you run off and leave us all worried?" 

"I... wanted... to... see... you...so...bad...ly..." he stopped to sneeze and cough a little more, and when they looked down on the sidewalk he was facing, there was blood. Shocked and outraged, Ludwig crushed Feliciano's body into his. "I didn't realize... where I was... or what I was doing. Can we please... go..." he couldn't finish, because there was no breath left in him.

"We can go home now, Feliciano." He squeezed his friend's hands, then did something he didn't expect.

They wrapped eachother's arms tightly around one another and pulled into a kiss.

...

"Feliciano!" Elizaveta wrapped herself around Feliciano's unconscious body, and it was obvious she had shed a few tears. "Why did he leave...?" She then turned to see the room was a mess from his exit. She looked to stare at the awkward blonde man standing in the doorway. "Oh, don't mind me. I'll clean the room, so you can visit with him." She looked up after a few minutes of him simply standing there and tried to break the silence, "Ludwig, right?"

"Oh... yes."

She whispered sweetly, "In his sleep, he's been calling for you."

Ludwig knew now was the time. He awkwardly grabbed another uncomfortable plastic chair and started talking to his friend. "Feliciano... you're going to be alright, okay? Try hard. Remember our promise. Remember our promise to remember."

There was a pause as he recalled how hot the thick air was, how Feliciano's smile filled the room yet again.

He found himself smiling yet again.

And even though he didn't know it, Feliciano was smiling too.


	15. Yes

_(AN: I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS CHAPTER LATE, WAS NOT WORKING FOR ME. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Those few weeks that Feliciano was in the hospital were incredibly calm, with no surgeries, check-ups, or anything of the sort. But after that day, there was a rush of doctors coming in so fast they seemed to be crawling over eachother to treat the patient. Ludwig was at a loss for words and emotion while he spent his nights at the hospital; all he could do was stare, not really watching. It was August 4th with no sign on Feliciano regaining consciousness that he was asked to go home, clean himself up, and return for a meeting with the doctors.

When he returned, Lovino had packed up and vanished. "Hmm..." he didn't bother really caring what happened while he took a shower, got fresh clothes on, and tried to smooth out his hair. He checked his clock with the time proclaiming 15 minutes before his scheduled meeting time. He grabbed his bag and hurried out the door... his cell phone squished in between his mattress boasting 15 texts from his boss, the final one simply saying "ur fired".

Ludwig didn't bother trying to look proffessional as he made his way to the meeting room. Gathered there were about 4 doctors, not including Dr. Mazzarisi. Mazzarisi coughed, "Sit down. We have things to tell you."

"Alright..." he took a seat at the end. "What is it?"

"We have come to a conclusion after taking several tests on Feliciano Vargas."

"Is he okay?"

"Well... he's alive, and he'll be alive for at least a little while longer." 

"A little?"

"At most. But we have yet another diagnosis for you. Do you want to hear it?" 

"No." he paused, "But I guess I must. Go on."

Everyone paused to stare at eachother, a couple people gulping and a few more sweating with uneasiness.

"Feliciano Vargas has brain cancer."

"...what?"

"I'm not going to repeat myself, sir. He's going to be brought back to consciousness this afternoon and then put into chemotherapy. That is all."

Ludwig stood up and left without a word. There was nothing to say. Nothing he could say. Because...

He knew it was going to happen. 

...

Ludwig stuffed the last of his shirts into his suitcase. Today he felt like cleaning; well, not exactly felt like it, but did it to distract himself. He needed everything of his out of his house, because he had the strange feeling he would be going home soon.

Feliciano was dead to him.

"Should I even bother visiting? What's the point?" he didn't even meant what he said. Words that came out of his mouth were empty noises. Inside his breaking heart, Feliciano was always that little thing he looked forward to every day. He had no idea that Feliciano was actually the "little thing" that kept him from breaking it off. As he had done now.

"Mother... where am I going to go? I guess I know..."

Back to college. Back to life. But it wouldn't ever be life.

"I had no friends!" he picked up that last shirt and chucked it at the door. "I wasn't living! And for once, I had that! And now..." he cradled his head in his hands, "it's gone... again..."

Ludwig gave up on cleaning. How could he live on and leave Naples if his feet didn't even have the motivation to take steps? Broken vases, guitar players with smiles, cups of gelato, crabs hidden in hot sand, bowls of pasta, falling rain, holding hands, locking lips... they floated in his head, haunting him with tearing streaks of laughter.

Slowly, Ludwig left this plane and went somewhere else, out of this reach of consciousness.

...

"Ludwig, I see you've joined me!"

He awoke with a jolt. Where was he? Green grass, blue skies, a short little table with a tea set. What the heck was -

"Ludwig? Are you alright?" Sitting at one end of the table, Feliciano was pouring tea into two cups, as if he had expected company. On his body was a long coat and bare feet.

"Feliciano..."

"Ludwig, don't frown! You came to have tea, didn't you?"

He slowly nodded.

"Let's have some tea, then!" he laughed, pulling out the chair without even touching it. The two of them sat, Feliciano chatting as usual about pretty girls and pasta. Ludwig's face gradually turned into a smile as he recalled the way things used to be.

...

He awoke with a jolt once again.

"Am I... insane?" he clutched his head, suffering from a large headache. "Mother, I'm sorry..."

He picked up that last shirt and stuffed it back into his bag.


	16. Maybe

_(AN: THIS CHAPTER MAY SEEM POINTLESS, BUT IT'S IMPORTANT LATER. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

He slowly opened his eyes, expecting a flurry of light to blind his eyes. There was no such light. He also waited for memories of what happened before to coming rushing back to him. There were no such memories.

_Where am I? What's going on?_

It was a dimly lit room with stained glass windows nearly completely covering one of the walls; the rest were a bare grey. He was in a hard wooden bed with sheets wrapped around him like a mummy, and sitting on the table next to him was a single rose in a glass vase. Other than a chair pushed against the wall and a few machines scattered against it as well, the strange place he was in was empty. His hair was shaggy brownish-red and tousled, with a stray hair sticking out into a curl. On his body were no shoes, but a sky blue hospital gown.

_I must be in a hospital._

When he tried to speak, words wouldn't come out of his mouth. He attempted pushing the button for assistance, but his fingers wouldn't move. He felt trapped...

"Feliciano?" he heard a voice call in from the door, bouncing around the room in melancholy echoes. A girl appeared with long brown hair that resembled soft silk, and she was holding a pill and cup of water. "Oh, you're awake! I was very worried."

He managed to croak out a few words, "...who are you?"

"Oh..." she began to frown as she turned to stare out the curtained window. "I'm Elizaveta." her smile slowly returned again. "Do you know who you are?"

He thought it was a peculiar question to ask, but he replied anyways. "I'm Feliciano, am I not?" The girl handed him a pill and he quickly took it, then she took a seat to talk to him.

"Do you remember who Ludwig is?"

"...Ludwig? Is that a friend of yours?" he was confused, but curious.

"No, that's a friend of yours!" she giggled a little to try and pull away the obvious gloom that hung over their heads.

"It is? I don't remember ever knowing a Ludwig - "

_crowded hallways filled with scary strangers_

_a man reached out and took my hand with a smile_

He paused, then whispered, "Ludwig...

"Ludwig! How is he!" for the first time since he woke up, he began to smile himself.

"Do you want me to have him called?"

"Yes, please!" she left the room to get a phone. He soon grew exhausted from nearly screaming and collapsed into his bed. He was in Naples... he had Meningitis... and his best friend...

his best friend...

Elizaveta quickly returned. "He has agreed to come see you." Although this seemed like good news, her face had grown somber.

"Oh Elizabeth, what's wrong?"

"...it's nothing," she laughed a little, as if a 5 year old was trying to get her to explain something complicated. "Well, I have a few things to do today, so if you don't mind..." she grabbed a coat she had left on that lone chair in the corner and hurried out of the room, stopping to wave to Feliciano one last time.

He was content.

...

Ludwig was cheerful, though he had not acted very kind on the phone. Why couldn't he contain his excitement enough to act normal? He brushed it off and speed-walked through the usual doors. He didn't stop to wonder where to go, just took the nearest elevator in his reach and pressed the up button about 5 times in a row. He dashed down the hall and burst into Feliciano's room.

"...Ludwig..." he heard a tiny croak, and quietly shut the door behind him. "That was loud!" it was that same brimming smile, the one thing he had wanted to see so much.

"Feliciano!" a few silent tears escaped his eyes while he ran forward to hug him.

"...can't...breathe..." he joked, and the two of them wholeheartedly laughed. Ludwig didn't hesitate to take a seat. "How are you?" the Italian man asked.

"I'm doing alright, but that's not important. How are you?"

"I'm just fine! A little forgetful for a minute, but then I remembered what had happened. Speaking of events, is there any new news?"

"Well... yes, there is."

"Tell me!" he was unaware that the news wasn't a good thing.

"You have brain cancer."

Silence filled the room, and Feliciano's happiness dropped like a shattered teacup.

"How much longer am I going to live?"

"I don't know. But..." his smile forced his way onto his face, "can we just be happy for now?"

"Yes! I mean, people have survived brain cancer, right?" he began to smile as well.

The two of them laughed, and laughed, and laughed. It was all they could do to keep from falling apart.


	17. Gelato 4: Things Couldn't Be More Weird

_(AN: FOR A CHANGE OF PACE, I'M GOING TO ADD A LIGHT-HEARTED CHAPTER. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Elizaveta pushed up her curls, attempting to make them look bouncy. As she inspected herself one last time in the cracked mirror she got at the thrift store for a killer deal, she decided she was ready.

She didn't have a car and she thought it would be unruly to go on a bike, she walked to the gelato store. She used to go to Angeliano's a lot, but Roderich chose a place with a more sleek and modern feel. She entered through a fancy revolving door and was instantly hit with the smell of fresh violets and piano music being played in a corner. "Fancy..." she muttered, offering a smile to the front manager.

Roderich stood up and lazily stretched his hand, avoiding eye contact. She tried to hurry in her high heels as she called out, "Here I am!" Seeing Roderich made her happier than usual; she hadn't been in a relationship for a while and it was something new. Something fresh.

She sat down and adjusted herself in the nice chair. "What's up?"

"Not much..." he wasn't smiling, instead paying attention to scooping his gelato without even putting it in his mouth.

"Come on, relax!" she lightly punched his shoulder from across the table. A waiter came up and she took her order, then they continued their conversation. "Have you been practicing much piano lately?"

He instantly looked up with the eyes of a lost puppy. "You like... the piano?"

"Of course!" she laughed.

A wide smile stretched across his face.

...

Elizaveta was exhausted.

Not only had Roderich gone completely bipolar, he yapped and yapped away about every single piece he loved, composer he was inspired by, and piano he had ever touched in his life! While she was happy he was finally opening up, she wasn't sure it was very healthy. "Maybe someday..." she sighed, and was instantly relieved the second she slipped out of her tights.

The taste of the gelato lingered in her mouth, the scent of fresh violets filled her nose, and the sound of a beautiful piano rang through her ears all through the night. _He's a keeper._


	18. The End Was No Longer Able to Rewind

_(AN: FOR ABOUT THE NEXT WEEK OR TWO, I'LL BE ON VACATION, BUT I'LL TRY TO UPDATE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I ALSO ATTEMPTED TO GET THE CHARACTERS MORE IC. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Ludwig was no longer angry when he heard that Feliciano would be undergoing chemotherapy tomorrow (August 26). He checked off another day on the calendar with his usual gusto as he hurried to run some errands. There was still plenty of money left from both of their short-term jobs, and even though he ate cereal every day he didn't need to worry about not having enough to pay Feliciano's medical expenses.

Even though they shouldn't be, things were looking up.

He even had to stifle giggles when he imagined Feliciano without hair.

It was August 28 that day, and Ludwig liked to think that he looked sharp. Today Feliciano was scheduled to regain consciousness once again, and he didn't want to miss meeting his friend. Revolving doors, elevator, hallway, bursting through the door. You get the idea.

Feliciano was quietly resting in bed, and Ludwig took the chance to put some fresh water in his rose vase. The water clinking must have made a little noise, because he twitched in his sleep which ultimately led to him waking up. He paused to yawn and rub his eyes... he felt his now vanished head of hair and rubbed it in disbelief.

Ludwig was getting impatient as his being ignored. "...hello?"

Feliciano immediately noticed he was there and shouted, "Ah! Who are you!"

"I'm Ludwig!" he laughed.

"...?" Feliciano just stared at him with a look of disbelief.

"Feliciano! Remember?"

"I don't know anybody named Ludwig..."

"Feliciano." he grabbed his shoulders. "Remember."

"..."

He realized he was being a little too harsh. "I'll just give you time," he sighed. He almost laughed at how out of character all of this was for him.

"Luthando. I think you're losing your memory."

"What!"

"Luthando! This is serious!"

"I'm Ludwig!"

"Oh...

"Right. That scared me. Maybe I'm losing my memory?" his laugh was weak and the most forced thing he had ever heard.

The two of them laughed and laughed, but it didn't sound right. It was sinking them into despair.

...

Lovino stubbed his toe with a loud "CRAP!" echoing throughout the usually quiet hospital. As soon as he noticed everyone was staring at him, he let out a long string of curses as he ran away, trying to avoid being caught with his face so red.

He hurried up to his brother's room, which he hoped was currently empty. That stupid potato-lover was getting in the way of his heartwarming visit! _Che palle!_

He crept through the door. He felt a little bad about feeling so abruptly, but he had personal business back in Venice. His pen pal Antoino decided to visit out of nowhere! Did that man understand anything! He let out a long sigh as he took a seat next to Feliciano.

His waiting for him to wake up didn't last very long.

Feliciano wasn't very happy to be woken up, but when he saw Lovino that annoyed feeling disappeared. "Lovino!" he smiled, reaching out to his brother.

"Little brother! How have you been?"

"Alright! How about you?"

"I had to go home to take care of a friend. I'm afraid after a few minutes I need to return again."

"Aww, and we were going to have so much fun - "

"Listen, Feliciano. Umm..." he stopped to rub the back of his head, "I don't think I'm ever going to see you again."

His brother let out a long "Veh~".

"And... I'm really sorry for picking on you so much. I don't hate you, I just hope you don't hate me. So... yeah." After his attempt at kindness, Lovino was beside himself in humiliation.

"You mean that?" he grabbed his older brother in a tight hug, nearly tugging him onto the bed.

"KEEP IT UP AND I WON'T!"

_(AN: che palle = what balls)_


	19. Give Me Hugs, Don't Give Me Hugs

_(AN: I SWEAR THE MOST USED WORD IN THIS FIC IS SMILE. I MEAN IT! I WANT TO APPLY THIS IN A BEST HETALIA FIC THING TO SEE IF THEY LIKE IT, WOULD THAT BE CONCEITED? I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Ludwig came to visit again today, but he didn't bother being happy about it. The night before, he had recalled what happened before Feliciano went unconscious, and he needed to tell his friend; he felt like it would be lying if he didn't. He brought a bouquet of cornflowers to accompany the lone rose, and silently entered as he felt he was too used to.

Feliciano didn't miss a beat when he heard the silent klinking of the glass vase. "Lucas... you've... come to visit me," he warmly smiled. Ludwig found it easier to fake approval when his friend messed up nowadays. "I'm sorry... I don't feel very well today," The sudden heat waves that the end of August brought were accompanied with strong gusts of wind slamming themselves against the closed windows. Ludwig sighed, taking a few seconds to stare out one of the windows. He then continued to drop the cornflowers into the vase.

"I'm Ludwig," he explained, then sat down in the same chair. He straightened his pants and then looked into Feliciano eyes. He continued, "I have something important to tell you."

"What is it?" he smiled, his memories now restored.

"Do you remember what happened on a rainy day, not that long ago?"

"...no..."

"Alright then. I..." he blushed, "kissed you."

Feliciano was at a loss for words.

Honestly, so was Ludwig.

The Italian soon broke the silence, "I'm not gay."

"Neither am I. So we have an agreement?"

"I'm not gay."

"You already said that."

"Oh, sorry. Forgot. But... whatever happened, I'd like to think that it was a nice thing to happen. Can we please stop talking about it?" he seemed a little too eager to get out of the conversation. This was the kind of situation where a healthy Feliciano would run away crying.

"Feliciano. This is something we need to talk about."

"But Ludwig..."

"Feliciano."

"Fine..." he frowned curtly, realizing he'd lost. "But we're friends, right?"

"I like to think we're more than that."

"...!"

"Not like that!" Ludwig sighed. "I mean, we have a great relationship, is all. Like brothers..."

"I guess that's okay. But we're brothers. And brothers love eachother. That's the end of it."

"Yeah. Why are you so eager to get out of this?"

"Romance..." he hung is head, "I always thought it was easy. But it's really not." 

"Oh..." he realized he'd been a little too harsh on his friend. "On that note, I guess I'll leave. Goodbye and thanks for talking with me." he abruptly left with stiff muscles and an even stiffer face.

Feliciano tried to call him back, but it was no use. His voice had gone out.

...

Ludwig didn't bother thinking that night. Feliciano was losing it...

He fell asleep as fast as possible to avoid contemplating anything. Now wasn't the time for him.


	20. Losing and Earning the Will to Live

_(AN: I HAVE FOUND AN ENDING SONG, BUT I NEED AN OPENING SONG YOU THINK WOULD GO WELL WITH THIS STORY SPECIFICALLY. AND I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHAT FOR...YET. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Feliciano stared out of the window. There was nothing else to do.

He was ommited from leaving his room while they went over all sorts of papers and ran even more tests, and nobody could visit; not even Elizaveta and come to say hello! He let out a breath of air and hoped something exciting would happen.

But nobody came.

It was the beginning of September. He had started to forget when things had started... how long he had been stuck in this God-forsaken place... the man he was before. His life before the hospital had been lost. Ludwig wasn't a blurry figure; he wasn't selfish. When everyone else left, he had stayed. Every crevice of his mind was Ludwig. Ludwig...Ludlow...Luthando...Lucas...Lorne... that blonde-haired man that had been kind to him no matter what. He tried his hardest to smile and remember, but he caught a lump in his throat and tears started building up in his eyes.

Those times would never return.

When he said he might as well never do anything ever again or just die, all that time ago...

HE REALIZED HE WAS RIGHT.

Feliciano held his head in his hands. He tried speaking again, but his mouth couldn't form understandable words. His throat began burning and he could feel his face going red. _Where am I going to go now? That's it, I can't go anywhere... I'm stuck... _

He remembered people telling him that sometimes life is better than death. He now understood that situation.

The Italian man felt his body begin to decompose. This is why they had kept him locked up... his fingers went a little numb, the sound of the wind began to hurt his ears, and the pain in his eyes forced him to rub them. He tried his hardest to take care of this skeleton falling apart, but his muscles began to go out. All he could do was painfully drop his arms and lay in bed.

_Maybe in my dreams I'll see the light, the light that the blonde-haired man assured me I will always have..._

He remembered everything he had ever done; so many bright smiles, so many joyful smiles, so many forced smiles so that people wouldn't feel sorry for him... his body prevented him from knowing the real smile anymore.

_Kill me._

...

When he awoke a couple days later from some tests, the wind was stronger than ever before; he had nearly pleaded to be moved to a different room to be saved from the constant terror his ears had to endure. Of course, they had refused. Maybe he could have gotten them to do it if he could move...

His legs and arms still had life in them, but his fingers no longer had power; he could've sworn he felt them curl back and crinkle up. That hadn't actually happened, but it was something he faintly remembered happening in an old movie. The worst was probably his voice; it was feint and crackling, changing pitches sometimes between words.

Feliciano had all the time in the world in his mind, which served as both a blessing and a curse. He enjoyed being able to think, but... he was left alone in his thoughts. His self-esteem seemed to start decomposing alone with his body.

Even when he was deeply onconscious, his dream had yet to come. The dream where he would always be happy.

After all of those tests and losing his purpose in life, there was a small fragment in his soul that was happy to be alive. He promised himself he would hold on to that fragment until his heart stopped beating.


	21. Gelato 5: A Deal is Broken

_(AN: I HAVE FOUND AN OPENING SONG! "PLANT LIFE" BY OWL CITY. THANKS FOR YOUR NEVER-ENDING SUPPORT AS WE HEAD INTO THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS OF THIS STORY! I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Ludwig decided that after today, he would either leave his nice suit here to be demolished or burn it with his own hands.

Why? Because he wore this suit almost every time he came to visit Feliciano. It looked like Feliciano, it smelled like Feliciano, it felt like Feliciano. He wanted to do nothing more than escape that feeling of regret he held about the words he had said to who was supposed to be his best friend.

But today was different. Today he finally got permission to come see Feliciano once again. He brought a change of clothes from the house, and a few dollars. Angeliano's was their destination.

He made his way up to the hospital unnoticed, as if he was becoming a part of the scenery. He hurried up the elevator, but became too impatient to wait and took the stairs. The nurse's station was a blur of business as they all hurried to chart something, and not even the kind Mrs. Gretley stopped to wave. He once again made sure he looked his very best and strided through the door.

Feliciano looked like he was sleeping, but he knew better. He whispered, "It's me. Ludwig," and he immediately opened his eyes. The Italian boy shook a little, probably cold or hungry. Ludwig whispered again, "Are you alright?"

He nodded, then gripped his neck with the palms of his hands as if the motion caused him great pain. Ludwig asked, "Do you remember who I am?"

Feli replied, "Yes." The word was hard to make out, his mouth barely opening and something coming up in his mouth equivalent to a croak.

"Let's go. Do you want to change?"

"I...can't..."

"Can I help you?"

"Yes." He didn't want anything awkward to happen, so Ludwig just put extremely loose jeans on first, then a t-shirt, then slippers. No underwear attempted.

"Can you walk by yourself?"

"...no..."

"Alright then." He took Feliciano's hand for the first time in quite a while, and the two of them took a very long time to get out of the hospital. They got stares from all of the staff that passed them, probably because he hadn't bothered to tell anyone about their leaving except for Dr. Mazzarisi. They had gotten halfway down the sidewalk with Angeliano's in sight when Feliciano's legs gave out. "Here, I'll help you," he offered, scooping up the boy and holding him bridal-style.

"I'm...being...too...much trouble..."

"Nonsense!" he laughed a little, still trying to be quiet to avoid wrecking his friend's ears. Ludwig thought about picking up to a run, but decided against it. After what seemed to stretch on forever with the sweet smells and guitar players, Ludwig could feel his friend begin to drop his shoulders and smile. Truly smile.

When he opened the door, the little bell went off again. The sick man cringed at the noise, muttering a "too loud". Angeliano greeted them with an inhuman grin once again, and they ordered _pesca _and _cioccolato al latte_. After a few minutes of setting down Feliciano in a chair and waiting, the icy treat was finished. "...I can't eat myself..."

"It's alright!" Ludwig took tiny spoonfuls and put them into the hungry boy's mouth, scoop by scoop. He eagerly swallowed them. He then turned to his own treat and began eating. He noticed that he was going extremely slow, as if he was distracted; he immediately sped up and tried to finish eating as fast as he could. Feliciano didn't seem to mind as he tried to take everything in from the window.

Ludwig then threw away their trash and got them out of the door. "What an unemotional time..." he muttered.

"What?"

"For the last time, that is."

"...the last time of what?"

Ludwig sighed. At least he was having fun before it was all over.


	22. He Didn't Have to Cry Anymore

_(AN: I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Chemotherapy before something more important, they said. Don't worry about it, they said.

Feliciano let them do it, there was nothing else he could do. If he just gave in and decided to let himself die now, the blonde-haired man he knew would be unhappy... but how much money did he have? He couldn't keep track or ask; once again he wasn't allowed to have visitors while they gave him surgery. He spent that day preparing himself for a long time of sleep.

The tall, faceless people in white leaned over him and started giving him the medication. As he was lured to sleep, he heard them all grumbling to eachother about the process.

...

He was falling.

The blood had stopped upchucking from his mouth, but it stained his lips and rolled down his face until it dried up. He could taste the salty, red stuff in his mouth, and there was no water to erase it. Below him was a never-ending pit of darkness that he would fall into. Around him was pure darkness, but Feliciano was ready. The show was only starting to begin. Even though he wasn't sure what was happening...

Then it started. Feliciano was born, and his family wore nothing but smiles. Lovino was excited to have a younger brother. Every day he played the organ, and the baby would listen with a smile on his face. There was nothing but happiness.

Then the church began to lose money. The pianist quit and Lovino took his place. They were so proud of Lovino that Feliciano didn't matter anymore. In fact, the problem that the younger brother couldn't provide started making him the target. The older Feliciano covered his eyes; there were things he didn't want to see.

Eventually, he left the house battered and in tears. He had been refused support and help, and he set out to find something to do with himself. He was given money, and he soon had a house and was applying for many colleges. He met a kind blonde-haired man from Germany, and they became friends even when he returned to Dusseldorf.

Feliciano didn't make it into many colleges. He lived his days trying to survive on a meal a day while he awaited the next letter from Ludwig. Then his stomach started hurting...

He realized his life was so tiny, affecting so few. In the thousand years that the universe had existed, he was just a small fragment of the universe. His life didn't really matter to anyone... eventually, even the blonde-haired man would forget. There would be no trace that he was even born.

He continued falling.

The flashing pictures diminished, and the Italian could no longer see his hand in front of his face. He longed for happiness, for being cheerful no matter what happened... he wanted to hear Lovino play the organ.

Maybe if he wasn't ever born, he wouldn't have to endure all of this pain. Maybe his suffering would be spared. His nearly-lost voice managed a "Help me..." which only whimpered against the thundering wind that passed him as he fell.

_Wake me up... anything... where am I going to... nothing is straight anymore..._

He felt even this imaginary universe begin to abandon him as his body parts began going numb. He wasn't falling, he was there. There. A nusciance. An it. Unappreciated. Unwanted. Unloved.

He wished he could smile brightly -

"No.

"Not anymore am I going to watch myself die this way. It's wrong."

He felt his body parts come together as he adjusted himself to fall head-first... and when he closed his eyes he lightly felt the ground below him. He hit the ground running for the light, a bright smile filling his face. He had finally escaped... no more suffering...

_That blonde-haired man would be proud, I'm sure of it._


	23. Soon He Will Leave it All Behind

_(AN: I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT UPDATING FOR A WHILE, I'VE BEEN BUSY FILLING REQUESTS. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Ludwig asked to be informed of the rest of Feliciano's surgeries through the phone. Not because he was busy, but being in that meeting room with all of those unfeeling individuals made him sick to his stomach.

He assessed the situation; it was September 3. It had been months since Feliciano was diagnosed. And, according to the doctors, there wasn't all that much time left. Ludwig decided to do something rational and get it over with before he lost it - figure out what he was doing after Feliciano actually died.

He could return back to Dusseldorf, but he's lost a few weeks of school. He would be forced to find a job wait until summer or the next year to continue his degree. Finding a job couldn't be horribly hard... and he couldn't stay in Naples. He didn't have the heart. It was nearly decided.

The house phone's ring filled the silence, and he hurried to answer it. "Hello?"

"This is Dr. Mazzarisi."

"Oh... good morning."

"I'm afraid we have news."

"What?" 

"Feliciano Vargas is undergoing brain surgery in two days."

"Is... that good news?"

"Under the circumstances, yes. But... just to be sure, you should come and see him."

"Why?"

"He might not be the same person."

"..."

"Good day to you, sir." he abruptly hung up, and the line went dead. That deafening beeping sound was the only thing you could hear in the entire house. Eventually his hands lost him, and the phone bungee jumped to the floor. Ludwig internally laughed, but could make no sound with his throat; his line had gone dead.

...

Ludwig's planning continued after a hot shower. Dusseldorf was his destination, and soon he would return to school - and he would need to get a job. That was as far as it could go for him.

He thought so much about his future... and moving on... but would he really move on? "Is there a future?" he asked the ceiling.

There was nothing he could do but wait for a reply. Time was running out. The clock was ticking. The curtain was closing. And... there were only a few chapters of this story left.


	24. This is Farewell

_(AN: THIS STARTS BEFORE LUDWIG GETS THE CALL AND MOVES UP TO THAT TIME. ALSO, SEPTEMBER 19TH IS MY BIRTHDAY! QUITE THE COINCIDENCE. I DO NOT OWN AXIS POWERS HETALIA. ALSO, FOR THE BEST EXPERIENCE, I RECCOMEND USING DARK VIEW. MARCH ON, MEN!)_

Feliciano felt awake.

Not happy, but sad, but awake. Awake and alive.

Elizaveta visited, and she immediately added a large bouquet of pink Geraniums to the Cornflowers and single Rose. She chatted a little with him alone, avoiding the topic of life and death. She soon brought down her now boyfriend Roderich, who reluctantly offered a handful of bright purple Lavenders. Friendship bloomed in the room along with the rising smell of freshly picked flowers. They got permission to open the window until the brain surgery, and the guitar players seemed to cry out in joy. Feliciano's ears hurt, but he had never been happier.

On September 15th, Feliciano received a package. He had to get help to tear it open, but the insides revealed a plain white card and an expensive bloom of narcissus. The card read,

_Don't think that this is goodbye or anything, idiot brother. It's just a present... darn you... but I do love you, Feliciano. No matter what, I really, truly love you._

_-Lovino_

Feliciano grabbed his heart and blushed. Not because of the words written on the page, but because the bottom right part of the card revealed large blots of tears.

"I love you too, Lovino..."

...

September 19th. Cornflowers, Geraniums, Lavenders, Narcissus, and a single Rose. When he turned to admire the vase, all of the colors blended together and gave him a headache. The window was closed, and he wasn't eating or drinking anymore. On Elizaveta's last visit that morning, she could only comment that he asked for some pasta.

He wondered often about his blonde-haired friend and asked for him as well. His mouth didn't easily make sounds, he wanted to stay in the dark, and his limbs wouldn't move. He was still that same happy and curious individual... it was as if he had never changed in the first place.

Ludwig peeked through the door once the sun had fallen, and Feliciano didn't react at first. He took the plastic seat and whispered, "Feliciano. It's Ludwig."

"Ughh..." he slowly woke up. "I haven't been feeling good lately... oh! It's my blonde-haired friend!"

Ludwig sighed. "I've come to visit. How have you been?"

"I've been doing better, even though I can't move around all that much. How about you?"

"...that doesn't matter. I want to talk to you, about you." 

"Okay. Look at all the flowers!" he suddenly changed the subject. They glanced at the vast colors, all mixed up in a tye-dye. "They're so pretty... veh~"

"Feliciano?" 

"Yes?"

"I've been meaning to ask you... where did that rose come from?"

"If I recall correctly... umm... well... oh, yes! Dr. Mazzarisi came to visit the first day I was in the hospital."

"...what does he care?" Ludwig mumbled, knowing Feliciano wouldn't hear.

"He told me a story. There was a beautiful woman named Adelina Mazzarisi. She had... Tetanus, I think? Anyways, she died. Then, her father moved to Naples and became a doctor. Isn't that wonderful?"

"...it is, Feliciano. It is." Ludwig internally slapped himself in the face. He learned not to judge people. But he was a jerk... "Feliciano. Was he the one who gave you the rose?"

"Nope."

"Then who did?"

"Oh, right! Elizaveta and Roderich came to visit just the other day. She said they were finally dating, and that made me very happy! She said she wouldn't be able to visit again for a very long time. I wonder why - "

"Did they give you the rose?"

"Nope. They brought Geraniums and Lavenders."

"Concentrate. Who brought them?"

"Well, you brought me Cornflowers and Lovino sent me Narcissus... I'm not sure! Do you know?"

"Of course I don't!" he snapped, then told himself to ease up. Now wasn't the time to get up-tight.

"I guess it doesn't matter. It's a very beautiful flower, isn't it?"

"Yes. Still, I wonder..." he turned towards the curtain. Then to Feliciano's bed. Then to the wall where there was all of the security equipment. _Feliciano might die here... _he wanted to find someplace, well... better looking. He laughed a little - it reminded him of a boy from his junior high school class, Feliks.

"Ludwig. That's your name."

"Umm... yes. What about it?"

"I... love you. I... care about you. I want to know... your last name... but... I don't know..."

"What?"

"...if... I'll... remember... it..." he began coughing furiously.

"FELICIANO! DON'T TALK ANYMORE!" he shouted. The Italian boy soon stopped coughing, and snuggled into his bed. "I'm Ludwig Keufer. You're Feliciano Vargas. It's going to be okay."

He smiled, ready to disobey his best friend. "I know. But I'm going to go to sleep. Goodnight, Ludwig. We'll soon meet again. Tomorrow?" he was now glittering, the brightness making up for the lack of light in the room.

"I promise. I'll come and see you tomorrow. But - Feliciano."

"Yes?"

"Remember that promise we made?"

"What promise?"

"I said... never forget what you need to do."

"Oh... yes." his face dropped a little.

"Please... don't forget. For everyone. For me." he squeezed the Italian's hand.

"I think we need to pinky swear."

"Alright then. Pinky swear." he set out his large, meaty pinky, which looked like a giant's next to Feliciano's. The two of them interlocked the fingers, and held on tight for what seemed like hours. When the let go, the floor was wet with tears.

"I'll see you again, Ludwig..."

"Say some last words."

"?"

"Last words. Say them."

"Okay!" he cleared his throat and chuckled a little. "I, Feliciano Vargas, will hold on until the very end. Most importantly, the people I care about will always come first. And the people that truly care about me..." he paused to smile, water blurring his eyes, "will always come back tomorrow."

"..."

"Ludwig? I'm getting tired."

"Sleep, Feliciano. I'm sorry for keeping you up." he left the room.

The last thing Feliciano Vargas ever saw was his friend waving goodbye, finally learning to smile.


	25. Some Information About This Story

I lied.

That wasn't the last thing Feliciano ever saw.

First, let me introduce myself; my name is Ruth, and I'm fairly young. We'll leave it at that. I like to think of myself as a cheerful girl that loves classical music, ice cream, and beautiful things. Not neccessarily beautiful people, but things like flower-filled meadows. Through a strange course of events over the last year or so, writing has become much more than a hobby to me. It's like my job. Just in these few weeks alone, I've been drawn to my computer to provide for you guys.

Now that we've got that out of the way, I'll tell you why I wrote this story. There's a lonely side in all of us... the side that wants to believe everything is okay, and the side that knows the universe is falling apart. A couple years ago, my sister had to go to the hospital for heart problems. It was an extremely depressing time, and things began leaning towards the dark side. Of course, she was okay in the end.

When I was thinking of stories to write for my new fanfiction account, I wondered, "...what if somebody could go through something 10 times worse than that, but still stay on the side that believes everything is okay? And who could do this role better than that cheerful little pasta-loving Italian we all love?"

Through many tears, a long Joe Hisaishi/Yiruma playlist, and so many awesome reviews, I was beside myself. I truly hope this will be a stepping stone for me to write even better stories in the future... then non-fanfiction stories... and maybe even get published one day!

I want to thank the following reviewers: NONAMESWEREAVAILABLE and YamiHeart. You've been so supportive and have reviewed nearly every single one of my chapters. I don't think this story would have been so much fun to write if it weren't for you! On a side note (but not any less important), Hate Me-I Dare You, HaruWitch, harajuku96, and foREVerhauntingme all left amazing comments as well. As I progress into some extra projects (side stories?), I hope you'll all continue to encourage me. It gives my poor ego a boost :)

Time for an announcement! I got an idea that I vaguely mentioned earlier... how about a Memories Are Glass VISUAL NOVEL? I can script, but I'm a horrible artist. If anyone's interested, please PM me! All help is appreciated.

I feel like I have to say this. I... I feel extremely happy about all of this progression. But... I'm a little depressed. I'll never have a first time again. But rest assured, this has been the best first time ever! As the last main chapter and epilogue are revealed, I will be thinking of you.

For the very last time, I do not own Axis Powers Hetalia. Also, for the best experience, I reccomend using dark view, popping some popcorn, and listening to some piano music. MARCH! ON! MEN!


	26. Goodnight and Sleep Tight

Ludwig spent the night at the hospital. Feliciano needed his sleep, so he didn't try to disturb him. When he woke up the next morning in the waiting room, many other sleeping individuals surrounded him. Gifts were scattered around in ribboned baskets, and apparently somebody had left some cookies for him. He smoothed down his hair and bit into a chocolate chip, savoring the sweet flavor in his mouth.

Dr. Mazzarisi didn't say a word to him, even when they passed each other. Ludwig realized it must have been hard to see that happen again... but why did he become a doctor? He hurried home with the basket to take a shower; he noticed that there was a new vase, even more beautiful than the first two. He grinned, wondering if he'd ever break another one.

After a couple of hours, a much cleaner and well-dressed man arrived at the hospital. When he told the shy girl behind the counter his business, she led him to an entirely different waiting room, one that was vacant and pure white. She explained, "In just that other room, the operation will be taking place. When certain things happen, the first outsider to know will be you." she bowed and left him to find a seat. He gladly took one.

"Things are going to go right today. He's definitely going to live."

...

For many hours, Ludwig patiently sat in that white room with no word from anyone. Nurses came and went with medicine and other drugs, but for the rest of the time, he was alone. Dr. Mazzarisi and his team were the people supposed to be operating on him. The word he had gotten when they intercommed that the operation was starting was, "Dr. Mazzarisi is absent today."

Ludwig himself was soon asked to leave to take a shower once again.

He approached the now empty streets, filled with black nothingness as night conquered day. Cars parked on the street no longer had roaring engines, the guitar players had gone home, and the sweet smells were taken in, not being able to be left out or else they would rot. He sucked in the air, which seemed reminiscent of the air from his home. 8:00, and there was still no word from Feliciano's doctors. He began to wonder what they were doing that they couldn't tell him.

As the warm water ran down his back, he wondered many things. _What if... Feliciano survived? What if he's lucky, and I can get a college degree in Naples and stay here to take care of him forever? _It seemed like nonsense to him, but that's what he wanted to happen. He wanted that to happen more than anything else.

He put on something a little more casual, wrapped a towel around his neck, and sat on Feliciano's back porch, his legs rocking back and forth. When he looked up in the sky, a shooting star shot by.

_"Look! Ludwig!"_

_"What is it now, I'm trying to read!"  
><em>

_"It's a star! If you make a wish on it, it will come true!"_

_"You still believe in those childrens' tales?"  
><em>

_"Of course I do! Come on, make a wish!"_

_"Fine..." I set down my book and popped up my head. Sure enough, a brightly shining shooting star was zooming across the night sky like a lantern in a haunted house. I turned back to him, and he silently encouraged me. "I wish... that the two of us can be the best of friends for a very long time. Happy?"_

_"Yay! Ludwig did it!" he began cuddling his older friend, who tried yanking him off._

"I remember..." he cupped the side of his head into his right hand. "I guess I'll make another wish. I wish... that Feliciano is happy, no matter what happens."

The star diminished, revealing an ink-like sky. He sighed, picking himself up off the ground. There was more waiting he needed to do.

...

When he returned to the hospital, he was immediately approached by the counter girl. "Something's happening!" she panicked, and he quickly followed her back to the waiting room. He took a seat next to the intercom, which was crackling and wincing. He listened in to what they were saying.

"We need to stop! If this goes on any longer, he'll be overexposed!" 

"If we close him up now, he'll die as well! Let's keep going!" 

They argued and argued, and as the heart rate started getting slower (as he could hear through the intercom), their voices raised. Ludwig felt a lump rise in his throat. He suddenly turned to the girl from the front desk, "What's happening?"

She set a sympathetic hand on his shoulder as she replied, "If they leave his head open for much longer, he'll be overexposed to the outside and die. If they close up his head and try to continue tomorrow, he'll die as well. Their only option is to try and finish the surgery as fast as possible."

"WE NEED TO STOP!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"HE'LL DIE!"

"HE'LL DIE!"

beeeep, beeeep, beeeep

It slowed to 3 times a minute. He put his ear against the door.

"THAT'S IT! WAKE HIM UP!"

"WHY!"

"JUST DO IT! AND GRAB HIS FRIEND!"

"WHO!"

"THE MAN IN THE WAITING ROOM!"

The door flew open, which knocked Ludwig backwards. The man dressed in white shouted, "Come with me! Quickly!" he nodded in agreement, although he wasn't sure what was going on. The men shoved a pill into Feliciano's fish-like mouth.

His eyes opened, full of fear and pain.

"Feliciano! Are you alright?" 

"..."

"FELICIANO! ANSWER ME!" when he didn't get an answer, he turned to the doctors. "What's going on?" 

"We've awoken him because... there's nothing else we can do."

"Y...you're kidding, right? ...Feliciano!"

"...Luth...no...Ludwig...

"th...an...k...y...ou..."

He closed his eyes, his hand being furiously squeezed by his German friend.

It was the end.

"Feliciano Vargas is dead."


	27. Epilogue

Ludwig rubbed his hands together and blew into them.

Everything was freezing into fall, and even the train seemed to be covered in ice.

"Feliciano..." he mumbled, not really feeling anything behind the word. There was nothing more to feel except for boredom as he took a train back home. They served him desserts in a desperate attempt to warm everyone up, and he stared out the window as he ate.

"I wonder if I'll ever return..."

He highly doubted it.

There was nothing to see, nothing to do but move on with his life. As if Feliciano never existed. Of course, he would check his computer for emails, but they would never come. He would go back to being the way he was before. "You spoiled me, Feliciano..."

Sitting in suitcase was that one rose. The one that mysteriously showed up... it was probably Dr. Mazzarisi, but he couldn't be sure. The only thing he knew for sure now was: somehow, he loved Feliciano.

Love.

Love.

Love.

And those feelings would never be fulfilled. He would have laughed, but now he couldn't. There was nothing he could do but cry. Nothing to do but cry... and move on...

There was no funeral.


End file.
